don't be weary if we're broken
by blueh
Summary: The Vinsmokes somehow end up on the Strawhats' ship after crashing the Big Mom's Tea Party and not everything is as right as it seems.


They make it to the ship safely.

As Sanji—for the first time in weeks—steps on the grassy deck, he holds back tears. He's finally _home_ and _free_. His hands are not bound and Zeff's life is no longer on the line. He knows they're not safe yet (after all, they're still in Big Mom's territory) but he can deal with angry pirates much better than he can deal with his angry not-family.

He sees his (not) siblings and (not) father watching him. He senses them crowded on the other side of the deck as they take cover from the cannonballs that rain down upon their ship. Judge is the most shaken up about their near-death experience, shivering and crying. He is no longer the terrifying man that Sanji used to see him as.

The stare at him as he deflects cannonball after cannonball. They are still dangerous, still deadly. That's what they (and he himself) were trained to be, once upon a time.

But at the same time, Sanji doesn't feel threatened.

The sea was his home, his turf. His _real_ family surrounds him, gives him their strength. Luffy, who jumps around and fights even though he looks dead on his feet. Nami, who twirls her newest weapon in the air like it was a baton and zaps foes left and right. Brook, who disappears and reappears only to have downed ten enemies at once. Jimbei, who sends the nearest ship and all of its crew into the unforgiving ocean below. Chopper, who runs around the deck, giving care to all who needed it and making sure the crossfire never touches the side of the _Sunny_. Carrot and Pedro who are—admittedly—not quite nakama, but still their friends and who still fight to defend them.

All of them were there for _him_.

And they know. All of them know.

The Vinsmokes are not a threat to anyone here. They have already lost.

Sanji has to hide a grin because, _damn_ , being able to fight back for the first time in a long while feels refreshing.

* * *

Luffy passes out as soon they reach the safety of the open ocean. Chopper rushes after him, yelling that Luffy needs to rest and that no one should wake him up. Everyone stares at the infirmary door as it slams shut.

Sanji feels a bitter taste in his mouth knowing that he was the cause.

Brook comes up, puts a hand on his shoulder and offers a bony smile, "It's not your fault, Sanji-san."

He jumps to the crow's nest before Sanji can say a word back.

By the time dark covers the sky and the stars twinkle above them, Sanji still can't find enough peace to sleep. He stares at the ocean, watching the fish jump from the water and sighs. _What ifs_ and _but thens_ run through his head and Sanji desperately wishes that his mind could just _shut up._

He glances bitterly in the direction of his blood relatives, curled up and seemingly asleep by the swing. He remembers when it was the five of them together; remembers the way they they would beat him up and laugh. Even Reiji laughed. While he's grateful that she saved his life, he can't ignore the torture that she put him through. After all, she was there to laugh and encourage her brothers and father as they beat him black and blue.

Sanji wishes that he had never been born a Vinsmoke.

A hand pulls him out of his thoughts and he turns to see Nami standing behind him, expression unreadable. Her words echo in his head.

 _I will never forgive you._

She pulls him up to the ship's wheel with a sigh. She still seems bitter about the recent events and Sanji can't even think to blame her. She saw it all happen after all. She was there when he said those awful things to his captain— _their_ captain.

"Luffy fought for eleven hours in that forest," Nami eventually says, watching as the ocean waves crashed against the hull.

"It's no wonder he's exhausted then," Sanji says back and sighs.

An awkward kind of silence covers the air. Sanji can't seem to make himself break it, no matter how much he wants to. Nami seemed lost in her own memories, the ocean reflected in her eyes. She looks beautiful, but Sanji feels like he doesn't deserve the right to be able to tell her that now. After all, that would seem almost _normal_ when the situation was anything but.

"You filthy, lowly sea thugs," Nami says slowly and Sanji stares at her in surprise until he remembers that those were _his_ words first. "You said that, right?"

"I'm—"

" _Save it_ ," Nami doesn't even look at him and Sanji flinches. She shakes her head and lets out a bitter laugh. "You weren't the first person to say that to him."

Sanji already knows who she's talking about. There was only one person she _could_ be talking about.

 _Luffy._

"You should have seen him, Sanji," Nami shakes her head. She grips the rail so tight that her knuckles turn white. "Commander Cracker warned him that you would say that. Luffy got _so_ mad. Blasted the guy across the forest. Luffy told him not to put words in your mouth and that there was _no way_ you'd _ever_ say something like that because Luffy _believed in you._ You are his nakama, his _family_. And what do you do? You spit out those exact same words right to his face and then you _fight."_

Sanji doesn't know what to say—knows that his words will seem empty at this point because everything Nami is saying is _true._ He knows this.

"Oh god, I never would've thought something like this would happen again…Not after Ussop…" Nami laughs again, but it sounds choked. It takes a second to realize that Nami is _crying_. There was a lady crying in his presence and _he made her cry_.

"We were all so _worried_. Getting here wasn't easy! We worked our asses off, you know! We almost starved—" that harder than a kick in the gut. "—It was a complete disaster! But we kept going because we weren't going to leave our nakama behind. Not now and not ever."

Sanji takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. Suddenly he feels arms around his waist and he's pulled into a warm embrace. His eyes snap open, only to see Nami smiling up at him through her tears. "Welcome home, Sanji."

 _Home._

It feels right again.

He pulls Nami closer as she cries on his chest. He doesn't comment about the wet stain on his suit.

… Just like Nami doesn't comment about the sudden wetness on her shoulder.

* * *

Luffy wakes up the next day, much to the surprise of everyone. They thought he'd be out longer, but Luffy just grins and says, "I can't stay asleep when all my nakama are here!"

It was a lie; they were still missing half the crew (Sanji still doesn't know much about the story behind that, but he's not complaining when he notices the shitty marimo missing) but he understands what Luffy means.

 _I can't sleep now that Sanji is back._

The sentiment makes him smile.

Luffy bounds up to the Vinsmokes a moment later and looks at them curiously. His eyes land on Reiji and light up when he recognizes her. "Oh! You're the girl that saved my life!" He stares at the other four and tilts his head. Sanji tries not to laugh at their dumbfounded expressions. "… Who the hell are you guys?"

Judge squawks indigently at the thought of not being recognized (and probably the fact that he was addressed by a mere _peasant_ in his eyes) while the other three continue to stare. Finally, they introduce themselves and Luffy gets this wide eyed look in his face that Sanji knows all too well. "Ah! I thought you were Sanji!"

Sanji almost roundhouse kicks Luffy in the face, but doesn't. He sighs, remembering the hell that he put his captain through before and decides that its not fair to him— _yet._ "We have different colored hair, idiot."

"Your eyebrows are exactly the same," Luffy says and bounds off before Sanji can kick him for real that time.

Luffy comes back a moment later, seemingly confused. "What are we doing with them, Sanji?"

"Dropping them off at the nearest island," Sanji says. "and telling them to stay the _fuck_ away from us."

He ignores the protests from his blood relatives behind him and rolls his eyes. Luffy seems satisfied with the answer and wanders off—probably to bug another crewmate. Sanji is about to head up to the kitchen and start preparing breakfast when a voice stops him.

"That child is your captain?"

Sanji turns and meets the impassive gaze of Ichiji. Sanji's gaze hardens and he bits down hard on his cigarette. Ichiji is looking at Luffy—at his _captain_ —like he was unimpressed, like he expected more.

"That _child_ ," Sanji spits the word out. "could kick your ass without lifting a finger."

"And?"

" _And_ ," Sanji repeats and tries not to snarl. "Is a million times more of a man than you will _ever_ be."

He turns and stalks off before Ichiji or the rest of that damn group could say another word. He storms across the grassy deck, hands shoved far down in his pockets. From her spot at the wheel, he sees Nami giving him a nervous look. He wants to reassure her that's its fine (after all, a lady should never be that worried over him), but can't bring himself to do it.

Ichiji always had the ability to piss him off.

* * *

Sanji goes up to make breakfast and doesn't understand when most of the crew starts to sweat nervously.

He understands as soon as he stands in the burned hellhole that used to be his kitchen.

"What the _FUCK_ ," Sanji yells and runs out of the kitchen as soon as he sees all the burned wood and his precious utensils carelessly scattered around the room. " _HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN?_!"

One by one all of the current members of the Strawhat Crew (as well as Pedro and Carrot) glance at each other before unanimously pointing to Luffy.

When Sanji turns to glare at his captain with a fire in his eyes, Luffy simply gives him a guilty grin and runs.

* * *

Sanji makes the best damn breakfast he's ever made.

Luffy seems inclined to agree and gobbles down half of the table before anyone can even take a bite. The others chide him, but all had fond smiles on their faces. Sanji feels a grin on his face as he exits the gallery and stands above the deck.

"Oi," Sanji says and the five heads of the Vinsmokes turn to look at him. He rolls his eyes and gestures towards the gallery. "Food is ready."

They follow him back into the gallery where the meal is just as lively as Sanji remembers. There are still a few missing spots (the marimo wasn't there, thank god, but neither were Robin-chan or Franky) but it still has that sense of normality that Sanji has so desperately been craving.

Immediately, when the others see the Vinsmokes, everything quiets down. Nami in particular was giving them the fiercest glare she could muster.

"Take a plate and eat," Sanji coldly says before taking a plate himself and joining his _real_ family at the table. The Vinsmokes do, but they don't sit at the table. Instead they hover in the corners of the mostly-burnt room (he was going to _kill_ Luffy for that later) and pick at the meal that he provided them.

The noise of the crew picks up soon after. Laughers and jokes and utensils were flying across the room. Everyone was trying to protect their plates from the flying rubber appendages that would snag anything in reach.

Sanji knows that the others decide that the Vinsmokes are not worth their time and he grins.

"Even after all that we've done to you," Reiji says and suddenly the gallery is _silent._ "You still give us food?"

Sanji doesn't even turn to look at them. "Shut up and eat the damn dish. People don't go hungry and food doesn't get wasted on this ship."

He sees Luffy's grin from the corner of his eyes. His captain looks _proud_ of his words and Sanji feels a little of the remaining guilt disappear from his chest. It makes him happy knowing that he was still the man that Luffy wants—no, _needs_ —him to be.

* * *

The others eventually clear out of the gallery, leaving Luffy, Sanji and— _of course_ —the Vinsmokes. Sanji tries his best to ignore them, but it's hard. For the first eight years of his life he tried _so hard_ to get their approval and now he wants anything but.

When he ran away, something changed him.

Sanji is proud of the man he has become.

"Why did you save us?" Yonji asks.

"Because I'm not like you," Sanji says as slowly as he can. He feels like he should be on _fire._ Everything about those people sets him on edge. He knows that he could have left them to die, knows that his _real_ family would understand, but he could never bring himself to be the person his (not) father wanted him to be. "You look at death and sacrifice as if it were just a game. In the real world it's _not."_

"You treat us—your _family_ —as if we are mere prisoners on this ship," Judge speaks for the first time since he came aboard the _Sunny_ and god how Sanji wishes he will never open his mouth again.

Sanji lifts his leg and slams it down on the table so hard that it shatters on impact. Luffy simply looks at it for a moment before going back to eating everyone's leftovers, "Franky's gonna be mad about that."

"You are not my family and will never be," Sanji says. "My family and my home are here, on this ship, with my nakama. You don't have a place here."

Judge sputters in outrage but Sanji is not done, "Big Mom has your ships. There's nowhere fro you to go. You're finished, you know that? Your dream is dead. You can no longer conquer anything. You are no longer royals you thought you once were."

"If you hate us so much then why are we here?" Niji challenges with a smirk.

"Do not mistake my kindness for weakness," Sanji says and he means it. These people—these terrible, _terrible_ people—see emotion as a burden. A sign of being weak.

Sanji knows better; knows that his emotions make him who he is.

He's just wondering if his siblings will ever figure that out.

* * *

"He's interesting," Reiji says as Sanji passes her on his way to the top deck. He pauses and turns, following her eyes only to see is captain perched on his spot on the top of the figurehead. "I don't understand him."

Sanji smiles, not at her but at his captain. "He either makes you his friend or he makes you his enemy."

"And us?" Ichiji asks as Ichiji and Niji follow behind. They approach him—circle him—but for once, Sanji doesn't feel threatened.

Sanji gives them the biggest, most mocking grin he can muster. "Enemy, of course. You made his nakama cry and that's something he won't ever forgive."

"Oh-ho?" Niji says and _damn_ , how Sanji wants to kick his face. "So you admit that you cried? Pathetic. You've always been too weak."

"Crying— _no_ ," Sanji shakes his head and doesn't even bother to face them. " _Emotion_ doesn't make you weak. It shows you how to become stronger."

Yonji scrunches up his face. "What does that _mean_?"

"That's something you're going to have to find out yourself," Sanji says with a snort. "Because I sure as hell don't want to teach you."

Sanji turns and walks away without another word. He feels their dark glares on his back. They want to say more to him, get a rise out of them, but Sanji won't let them. He has tried more than ten years to escape them. He gets about halfway up the stairs before—

"You were a mistake."

Something white hot and _painful_ curls in his gut and Sanji freezes. He clenches his hands into fists and tries to calm the roaring fury in his mind. He doesn't need to hear that, especially not from _them._

Because _god damn it_ , he _knows_. He _already knows that_.

"Sanji is _not_ a mistake," Sanji knows that voice too. Knows it too well. He looks up only to see his captain smiling at him from his spot on the figure head. "Sanji is Sanji. He's my cook and my friend. I wouldn't want him to be anyone else."

And suddenly the fury is gone. The anger, while only present for a few seconds, left him weak-kneed and exhausted.

Sanji wants to cry.

Later, when the sun is gone and Sanji is alone, he finds Luffy still sitting on his spot and staring at the ocean. There are times when Sanji wonders what he's thinking about, but decides that he's better off not knowing.

They stand together in silence and watch the waves.

"You always know what to say," Sanji whispers and he is not ashamed when his voice cracks. He feels so raw and vulnerable. Traveling with the Vinsmokes has only opened up old wounds that he thought he buried a long time ago.

"I only said the truth," Luffy smiles.

And this time, Sanji doesn't stop the warm tears that fall down his face.

* * *

They arrive at an island the next day and Sanji is _so thankful_ that his (not) family are finally leaving.

He stands with his back to his ship and stares his (not) father in the eyes without a trace of fear. The chatter of his nakama as they scurry along the ship is soothing. "Don't ever come back."

"You are a mere peasant, Sanji." Judge says with all the dignity someone who was at his lowest point could possess.

"I never wanted royal blood anyways," Sanji snorts. "I never wanted _your_ blood."

"You chose a life of crime over a life that could have given you so much more—"

"That's a lie."

"—You follow these, these _pathetic_ excuses for people! Below even the servants! How—"

"Are you sure you want to challenge me when I am no longer tied down?" Sanji's cold voice interrupts and Judge stops his rant to give him a mystified look. Ichiji, Niji and Yonji tense up, grinning and preparing their weapons. They know what's about to happen.

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," Judge says and his brothers take that as a cue to attack.

Sanji stands his ground. Without hesitation, he lifts his leg and lunges.

He is _so tired_ of running from his past.

* * *

The _fight_ was barely a fight at all.

Without his hands bound and Zeff no longer in danger, Sanji doesn't hold back. Every kick was worth years of the suffering and torment he endured. He dodges, weaves and kicks his way through all of them, leaving them no way to counter.

He's done in five minutes.

"Let this be a reminder to never touch my family again," Sanji says. He has no sympathy for the monsters that these people have become.

He turns his back and walks back to the Sunny—towards his _home_ , his _family_.

They had always called him weak, but with his nakama standing by his side, Sanji can't find himself to believe that to be true.


End file.
